As a mother of three young children, none of whom is able to tie shoes fitted with laces, I often feel out of the loop of the normal world. I don’t watch the news in front of my kids anymore because it’s scary and lots of people die and get blown up. I recently stopped my subscription to a fashion mag because my six-year-old daughter pointed to one of the ads and wanted to know why the girl and boy were laying on each other, buckwheat naked. Even television commercials in the middle of the day can be problematic. I’ve been particularly interested to note that wild rice, beef, and window cleaner can be creatively combined with slinky music and three inches of cleavage. (Why haven’t I ever thought of Uncle Ben’s as seductive? That seasoning packet…mmmm…)
So since I’m normally out of it, I’m happy to report news from the streets of high fashion. In boutiques near you, please take the time to marvel at this new contraption, sure to catapult all us trend-challenged moms out there into the world of hip:
That’s right: MILKIES. Thanks goes to Alert Reader Sally B. who brought this marvel to my attention. Feeling out of sorts as a postpartum mom? Plagued by ill-fitting bras because of those weird and scratchy nursing pads? Worried about the whole waste-not-want-not issue? Relinquish your fear and get you some Milkies! Can you see the fine print? “Collects milk from non-nursing side while breastfeeding…Save every drop of your baby’s perfect food.” Slap on that sleek and comfortable PLASTIC FILE FOLDER and save that milk! Ignore the stares of others—they’re just jealous! They wish they’d saved more drops of THEIR non-nursing sides!
So have no fear, dear readers. I will henceforth do my best to keep you abreast (heeeee) of current movements within the fashion industry, not the least of which involve plastic, innovative technology, and wild rice. I may not know own a pair of skinny jeans but darn it, don’t count me out yet.
P.S. Administrative note: For those of you interested in receiving regular updates to this blather, eh, blog right to your inbox, click here. That way you won’t have to stalk for new updates and fashion tips. Also, you’re always welcome to post comments (instructions here) or e-mail me at email@example.com. I’ll probably be super busy shopping and getting spa treatments but eventually I’ll get back to you.