Gene Pools and Other Dangers

I heard recently that some people just do not possess the close-the-drawer gene. Evidently these particular humans are simply unable to remember to close drawers and cupboard doors after they have opened them.

This seems like sketchy science to me (and in fact, my source was absolutely unscientific), but I have decided to work with this. I happen to live with two individuals who are poster people for this gene. The Two Who Shall Not Be Named seem to have mental blocks when it comes to closing drawers and instead leave them wide open so that I am continually bruising my hip, saying naughty words, and then wondering aloud what, exactly, is so challenging about closing drawers.

The Two Who Shall Not Be Named also like to spray water when they use the bathroom faucet. I’m talking art work in water spots. I have, and this is not a lie, seen water spots that extend to the top of our bathroom mirror, a distance of EIGHT FEET FROM THE FLOOR. This seems excessive. It also makes me wonder what, exactly, The Two Who Shall Not Be Named look like when they wash their hands.

Photo credit.

But I feel great relief knowing there is a genetic component here. First, the gene pool excuse will give me pause the next time I want to shriek about my hip bruise. And even more important, genetics will encourage me that sometime, far down the line of our genealogy, perhaps this inferior gene will be wiped out and all Stuarts everywhere will only love each other as God intended, shutting drawers and cupboards right in left, in perfect harmony.