Resolving Not to Hate Jillian Michaels

I have mentioned this before here, but I would like to reiterate that I will not be making goals for 2013. First my dad made me write those suckers down every year (watch the video on this post for an historically accurate retelling) and now my husband pesters me about this very same subject. Christmas Day, for example, just as I was enjoying my first bite of hot fudge cheesecake, Marc called across the room, “Kim, have you written down your G and Os yet?” For those of you not married to people who view productivity as a virtue, Marc was badgering questioning me about my Goals and Objectives.

Do you see what I’m up against?

The thing is, I’m getting older, which I believe entails me to ignoring G and Os. For example, the area of physical fitness. Can I not make a goal and instead just try to find a swimsuit that doesn’t make the neighbor boys shudder? How about I make my one and only G and O to not end up harboring really violent anger against this woman:

Photo credits

You know Jillian, right? The trainer who makes lots of well-intentioned people cry when she screams in their face? It’s not enough that they have VOLUNTEERED to be a part of a show called The Biggest Loser, they also need to endure Jillian.

I, too, have endured her in the privacy of my own basement. Jillian’s DVDs do come in handy when one is stranded at home with lots of progeny who are out of school due to blizzards. Only extreme weather patterns should make you turn to Jillian, however. When she shouted without shame, “Love the pain!” I actually whimpered.

I walked like a drunk toddler for five days. Couldn’t take the stairs without moaning and lifting my legs manually for six.

I resolve in 2013 not to scream inappropriate words at the TV when Jillian is on it. I also resolve to prevent blizzards. That one might be easier to accomplish.